Archive for March, 2009

If you’ve made the all-important first phone call, you’re probably wondering, “Can I get my ex back and keep her?” There was a reason you broke up, and you’re no doubt worried that those old problems will come back to tear the two of you apart again once you’re back together.

For a guy who’s not careful or thoughtful, this MAY be the inevitable reality of the situation. It’s easy to get her back, but repairing your Read the rest of this entry

Technorati Tags:

Leave your Comment



5 Actionable Tips to Save a Distressed Marriage
By Bill Underwood

There is a ton of the device out there on how to save a marriage that is in difficulty. A lot of it can be vague philosophy and not too practical. I’m the type of person who thinks simple is better. I love little numbered lists or bullet points, so without further preamble here are five actionable tips that you can use that may smooth out some rough spots in your marriage relationship.


1. Work on yourself first.

I’ll bet you did not like me starting off with that one. Did you think we were going to fix the other person? The only thing you can really control in the relationship is yourself, in the present moment. So start off by looking at what needs to be improved in you. The object here is to bring a better used to the relationship. If you clean up your side of the street, chances are the reactions of your partner will be positive and they will meet you halfway. It might be a good idea to chill out for a little while. Instead of turning up the pressure toward problem resolution, withdraw, and get a little introspective into your own attitudes and contributions to the relationship, both positive and negative.

2. Practice a timeout.

I know you’re not a child, and you do not have to go to your room and sulk. But it might be a good idea to take a little time for yourself away from the relationship. If things had been heating up lately it may be a good idea to cool off for a while. Approach problems with less emotion and more rational thought. I know that is easier said than done but sometimes emotions can cloud the facts. One great exercise start focusing on the positive, remember what it was like to be in love with your spouse you must have seen something positive then. I bet if you look you will see those same qualities now, perhaps just in a different light.

3. Spend more time with each other.

If the cooling off period does not seem appropriate, or you have done that already, try investing a little time in the relationship. Put the work on hold and all the distractions in your life aside for a while and concentrate on that love of your life. A thoughtful gift kind comment and really seen your partner as a person whom you love can shed a whole new light on things. It is so easy in a hostile bustle of modern day living to start taking your partner for granted. This is a death knell on relationships. This may sound a little strange but if your life is very busy actually schedule time to be with your partner and make it a priority to follow through on. Being taken for granted is often the catalyst that starts an avalanche of marital problems.


4. Solve problems.

One of the worst problem solving skills of all time get one of the most common is to simply take a problem and ignore it and hope it goes away. That has never worked and I don’t think it ever will. If problems and emotions are suppressed or repress they just gather pressure and or erupt sooner or later like a volcano.

Brainstorm problems together rather than making unilateral decisions. There is an almost lost art of communicating it goes something like this: I talk, you listen. You talk, I listen. We exchange feedback and compromise. Sounds simple doesn’t it?

5. Use patience

There truly are no quick fixes on saving a marriage or relationship. Usually problems have arisen slowly and over time by emotional, behavioral, and attitude shifts. It will take conscious effort to bring things back into line. The important part is to make some progress forward and not worry so much about the speed with which changes are occurring. Sometimes small efforts can effect the changes when applied consistently over time.

We hope you have found these quick tips actionable and helpful enough to get your relationship back on track. Remember, the thought is just a thought, an emotion is just an emotion, nothing really happens until you take action.


Thank You

Article Source:


Leave your Comment

7 Tips For Preventing a Relationship Breakup and Growing in a Positive Direction
By Bill Underwood

A lot of people define themselves by their relationships. While this is all well and good, when the relationship is moving along smoothly, what happens when we hit a bumpy patch?

Concern over in the imminent breakup create a great deal of anxiety. It may be worth just a few minutes to go over some simple tips that may prevent a relationship from breaking up.

1. Try calming down a bit.

Rather than becoming overly worried and clingy, it might be beneficial to put a little bit of space into the relationship. This might help you get some perspective on exactly what is going wrong between the two of you. Sometimes it is really easy to lose track of our own emotions and feelings one way or worried about our partner. Spending a little bit of time apart may be helpful in defining personal boundaries.

2. Look at your part in things.

After you have taken some time to get a clear picture of what is going on in the relationship look for your part or contribution in any rough patches that might be going on during. Don’t forget it takes two to tango, and you may be blaming your partner for problems of your own creation. Are your expectations realistic, or are you engaging in a little magical thinking?

3. Time for some acceptance.

It is almost an iron clad self improvement the only thing you can really change is yourself, in the present moment. It is not really possible to change another person is something you want them to be. It is like driving a square peg into a round hole, lots of damage occurs. It is okay, in fact it is your responsibility to your side of things on the table for discussion, but that does not necessarily mean that your desires will be met.

4. Look at your communication skills.

Often times when all the fog and smoke is cleared away I’ll be relationships are rough patches are truly about miscommunication. One of the biggest faults in relationships is one person thinks they can read the mind of another person. He simply can’t. Sometimes simply stating in an assertive, non-aggressive way what is going on clarify. The silent treatment is really a form of aggression, not problem solving.

5. Express your feelings appropriately.

A lot of people do not own or take responsibility for their own feelings instead they believe that the other person can ‘make’ them feel a certain way. This is simply not true. Your partner cannot make you angry, you can however become angry in response to what they are doing. You can also choose not to become angry response to what they are doing. Is your choice where you end up emotionally not theirs.

6. Don’t misplace your anger.

Unfortunately it is all too common to misdirect anger, reset and, or stressed that is going on in other areas of our life unto our part. This really is not fair. Make an effort to resolve things as they occur, with the person they are occurring with. Do not save up all your frustration and vent it out on a hapless partner.

7. Make an effort to reach out.

If you take a little extra effort and extend yourself you may be handsomely rewarded. A little acknowledgment, appreciation or random act of kindness can go a long way to easing tension in the relationship. We all have the need to love and be loved and express it. Stop taking things for granted.

Relationships are never stagnant, they are in a constant state of evolution either toward the better and growing, or moving toward the worse and regressing. It is all too easy to take things for granted and not pay attention to what is going on yourself and your partner. Take some time and attention and actively working relationship on a day by day basis. People who successfully maintain long-term relationships all say that it takes work in the alley attention to detail. That may sound like a tall order but isn’t your partner worth it?

Bill Underwood has discovered a new outdoor hobby since Florida retirement, treasure hunting with a metal detector. After a good deal of research I decided on gold metal detectors. I was impressed enough to build an info site for people interested in my choice a Whites metal detector.
Thank You..

Article Source:

Leave your Comment