5 Actionable Tips to Save a Distressed Marriage
By Bill Underwood

There is a ton of the device out there on how to save a marriage that is in difficulty. A lot of it can be vague philosophy and not too practical. I’m the type of person who thinks simple is better. I love little numbered lists or bullet points, so without further preamble here are five actionable tips that you can use that may smooth out some rough spots in your marriage relationship.


1. Work on yourself first.

I’ll bet you did not like me starting off with that one. Did you think we were going to fix the other person? The only thing you can really control in the relationship is yourself, in the present moment. So start off by looking at what needs to be improved in you. The object here is to bring a better used to the relationship. If you clean up your side of the street, chances are the reactions of your partner will be positive and they will meet you halfway. It might be a good idea to chill out for a little while. Instead of turning up the pressure toward problem resolution, withdraw, and get a little introspective into your own attitudes and contributions to the relationship, both positive and negative.

2. Practice a timeout.

I know you’re not a child, and you do not have to go to your room and sulk. But it might be a good idea to take a little time for yourself away from the relationship. If things had been heating up lately it may be a good idea to cool off for a while. Approach problems with less emotion and more rational thought. I know that is easier said than done but sometimes emotions can cloud the facts. One great exercise start focusing on the positive, remember what it was like to be in love with your spouse you must have seen something positive then. I bet if you look you will see those same qualities now, perhaps just in a different light.

3. Spend more time with each other.

If the cooling off period does not seem appropriate, or you have done that already, try investing a little time in the relationship. Put the work on hold and all the distractions in your life aside for a while and concentrate on that love of your life. A thoughtful gift kind comment and really seen your partner as a person whom you love can shed a whole new light on things. It is so easy in a hostile bustle of modern day living to start taking your partner for granted. This is a death knell on relationships. This may sound a little strange but if your life is very busy actually schedule time to be with your partner and make it a priority to follow through on. Being taken for granted is often the catalyst that starts an avalanche of marital problems.


4. Solve problems.

One of the worst problem solving skills of all time get one of the most common is to simply take a problem and ignore it and hope it goes away. That has never worked and I don’t think it ever will. If problems and emotions are suppressed or repress they just gather pressure and or erupt sooner or later like a volcano.

Brainstorm problems together rather than making unilateral decisions. There is an almost lost art of communicating it goes something like this: I talk, you listen. You talk, I listen. We exchange feedback and compromise. Sounds simple doesn’t it?

5. Use patience

There truly are no quick fixes on saving a marriage or relationship. Usually problems have arisen slowly and over time by emotional, behavioral, and attitude shifts. It will take conscious effort to bring things back into line. The important part is to make some progress forward and not worry so much about the speed with which changes are occurring. Sometimes small efforts can effect the changes when applied consistently over time.

We hope you have found these quick tips actionable and helpful enough to get your relationship back on track. Remember, the thought is just a thought, an emotion is just an emotion, nothing really happens until you take action.


Thank You

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