When you finally DO call your ex (make absolutely sure you’ve let a month go by!), what do you say to get her back?  There are some very specific things you should and should NOT say to her during the first conversation. Before calling her, you should write down what you want to say and how you want the conversation to go. This is called your talk plan. Most of life’s great successes involve making some kind of plan of action beforehand, and the conversation you’re about to have is no different. Under no circumstances should you call–or text her or email her

or instant message her–her until you’ve drawn up that plan, and you MUST have it in front of you as a guide when you do call (but for God’s sake, don’t read straight from it, or you’ll sound like you’re reading from a script!). Without your talk plan, your conversation could be disastrous! When you finally do talk to her, avoid any of the following topics like the plague: 1)apologizing for anything 2) begging her to take you back 3) blaming yourself 4) blaming her 5) trying to get her to see that it wasn’t really your fault. Doing any of these things will just drive her away again. Instead, you want to keep the conversation light. Ask her about what she’s been doing since the break-up (and don’t appear jealous when she tells you!), tell her about your own activities, and ask how she’s been. Show concern for her feelings and interest in her activities. Basically, act like a friend, because that’s what you’re trying to be right now. Be nice to her, no matter what she says, and don’t give any indication that you want to get back together…..at least, not in the first conversation. Keep it short, too.  Around five to ten minutes is usually enough to lay the foundation of your reconcilliation. She won’t even know you’re doing it if you do it right. What you’ve done in this first conversation is to remind her of what a nice, supportive guy you are, and allow her a glimpse of what she saw in you in the first place. You’re also planting a seed in her mind that she’d like to talk to you more in the future. Some guys find the next time they talk to their ex, she is the one who calls. Other guys have to make a few more calls themselves before she’ll initiate one. It doesn’t matter. You’re methodically laying the groundword to get her back, so just stay on that path and everything should be okay. Next time, we’ll talk about what to do AFTER that first conversation. If you’re ready to get her back, this is must-read material, so stay tuned!

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